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Come sail away…

Starting our journey…

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There is one thing we all have in common; we have all tried to find a relationship and then we navigate the course…hoping for smooth waters. The relation-scape stretches out before us, endlessly, with its undercurrents and waves that can tow us under.

Set sail with me and I’ll share TRUE relationship and dating stories, from male and female perspectives. I am hoping the stories will make you laugh, ponder, and look at yourself to see what you contributed to the sunny walks on calm beaches or to the perfect storm that ended your relationship. Wear a life-vest, if you must, but don’t miss the boat!

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The Blame Game

The Blame Game

The Blame Game guy moves through life at his own pace.  Totally pre-occupied with himself, he walks around with his head down, hands in his pockets, kicking rocks along the “road of life.”   He can be found mumbling to himself that everything is too hard, nothing is his fault; and if only……this or if only that…… Nothing is ever his fault; for instance, his divorce.  Blame Game says SHE is the one who had an affair; he always did everything right and she always did everything wrong.  He doesn’t understand why “bad things always happen to good guys” – we assume that he is referring to himself in this instance.

He has a million excuses.  His Mommy did not love him enough, his Daddy was away from home too much, his sister was always the favorite.  The Blame Game Guy is usually a downer to be around; he seems depressed and oh, so helpless.  It is almost as if, as a baby, he was taken away from breast-feeding too early in his life.  He has stories of how women have used and abused him his whole life and all throughout the abuse, he never once had the strength to stand up for himself.

Blame Game can never help himself get out of situations he has gotten himself into without help from a strong woman.  To strong women everywhere:  Does this sound familiar?

WOMEN:  So many times, we as women want to believe everything he says and never think that he should be blamed for anything.  Then we don’t have to think ahead to the time when everything will be our fault if the relationship does not work out!

MEN:  Spare me the excuses.  Only weenies blame other people in their lives for all of their problems.  I have an idea…why don’t you stand up and be a man and take responsibility for your screw-ups?

Adventures abound…

If you talk to any guy who is on-line looking at profiles of women who want to date, they have probably seen women posting something along these lines…”I want a man who will show me ADVENTURE and make every day a new day!” Okay, ladies; I have to say that you are expecting a lot. Hear me out…really…

How about giving guys some credit for being nice and having their act together? Maybe they don’t drive the nicest car or live in the nicest house or go on the nicest vacations. But they are NICE! That is the important thing. Why is the onus on a man to provide adventures for a lady? Shouldn’t both people in a relationship do that for each other? It seems a lot to ask of men; they already have so much expected of them. Do they really need to show you an adventure on top of everything else? I’m just sayin’…

If you are a woman who needs adventure, I would advise you to find your own adventure, on your own or with some friends, and if you find a guy who compliments your life and what you have going on, great! Sitting around waiting for a guy to “show” you anything is not going to get you anywhere, my pretties. Now get out there and shake things up; make things happen for yourself! THAT is the kind of woman every guy would want, right?

Ruff Choices

This is a story about Karen, an independent-minded woman, who dated Gary, a kind of needy guy. The love of Karen’s life is her dog, Jasper, a Heinz 57 mutt. The first time Gary went to Karen’s house, Jasper took an immediate disliking to him. Much growling and barking ensued and it rattled Gary, who was not used to that type of thing. As time passed and Gary came over to Karen’s house more often, Jasper reacted to him the same way as he had initially.

As you can imagine, this became a source of contention between Karen and Gary; he explained to Karen that he was not used to “sharing attention” and preferred to date someone who had no children or animals, since that would take away from his time to glean attention from his dating partner. Karen did not really need any time to process or think about what Gary told her and never entertained the thought of continuing to date Gary, even though they got along well most of the time. “Love me, love my dog” was Karen’s motto. To make her point, while breaking up with Gary, Karen told him all of the reasons why it is better for a woman to have a dog than a boyfriend.

  1. A male dog will stop humping your leg eventually.
  2. All dogs are loyal, which is more than you can count on from a boyfriend.
  3. You can FIX a male dog so he does not “mark” you; boyfriends tend to “spray.”
  4. Male dogs can lick their OWN balls, so you will never be expected to.
  5. Male dogs will walk BESIDE you, not IN FRONT OF you.
  6. The sound of your dog’s voice is never annoying, even when they are barking a lot.
  7. Whatever you do for your dog, he is always grateful.
  8. Cleaning up after a dog is never a problem; boyfriends, yes, it is a problem!
  9. Your dog likes whatever you feed him and does not complain about your cooking.
  10. Your dog understands you, protects you, cares for you and you can trust him to go to Vegas by himself!

A lot is at steak…

This is a true story about a woman who tried to “steak her claim” on a great guy who asked her out for a dinner date. Picture a high-end steakhouse in a very nice area of a major city, a normal guy and a not-so-normal woman who carries around an abnormally large purse. The table they are seated at is covered in linen, with fresh flowers and scented candles; soft music is playing in the background. When the waiter arrives at their table, wine and dinner are ordered at the same time. Once the wine arrives, the woman is gulping down glass after glass and orders a second bottle of wine.  When the plates of food arrive and the waiter is trying to leave the table, the woman takes a bite of the steak on her plate, says it is unacceptable and demands that another plate of food be brought out to her. The waiter complies (and is practically running away from their table so she will stop complaining). While she is awaiting the second plate of food, the woman grabs the linen napkin off of her lap, throws the steak, potato and dinner rolls into the napkin, and proceeds to stuff it into her purse. When the waiter returned with the second plate of food and was removing the first [empty] plate, he was visibly flustered and did not question why the first plate of food had nothing on it.

As you can imagine, the guy is dumbfounded and speechless. Right after the waiter leaves their table, she leans towards the guy, winks and nods her head and says, “Now that is how you do it.” It was abundantly clear that she was very impressed with her “accomplishment” and urged the guy to do that same! Needless to say, he asked for the check, which he paid promptly, wrapped his food up in a to-go box, and left the restaurant due to embarrassment!

Ladies: If you have ever done anything like this, or are considering doing anything like this, I strongly urge you to reconsider! This is no way to conduct yourself and frankly, it is embarrassing to all of woman-kind when you act this way!

Men: First of all, you should never date a woman who carries an abnormally large handbag. Second of all, if this ever happens to you, the moment your date summons the waiter or waitress to your table and starts to complain about the food she has been served, you need to excuse yourself to go to the men’s room, find the door to the kitchen and walk out the back door of the restaurant. That way, you do not have to pick up the check. In this scenario, your date is technically going to have two meals and you should not have to pay for either one of them!

Desperately Seeking Barbie

The Desperately Seeking Barbie Guy always expects his woman to look perfect.  Appearances are everything and he is very unforgiving if he thinks her hair is too short or she has gained a pound or two.  I have seen all manner of men (short, bald, pot-bellied, and with three teeth) telling anyone who will listen how he won’t go out with a woman unless she looks a certain way.  He will then describe, in detail, every physical attribute that is REQUIRED of a woman if she is to be graced with his presence.

WOMEN:  If you buy into this mentality or put up with it, shame on you!  Unless of course, your boyfriend does actually look like Ken and in that case…you go girl!  Also, if you do actually look like Barbie…you go girl!

MEN:  Get over it!  Unless you look like Ken, DO NOT expect a girl that looks like Barbie.  My suspicion is that most of you are far from Ken; as such, why not give a woman who is a little less than perfect looking a chance?  You may find she has a lot to offer.

Safe-Harbors

How is your relation-scape? Is there trouble on the horizon? Can you wade through any issues you may be having to get to the other side? Are you dog-paddling (treading water) or swimming as fast as you can? Ask yourself how you can make a better relation-scape for yourself and for your partner, if you have one. It will be worth the trip if you can go the distance.

The safe-harbor you seek can be found within. If you choose to sail away with a love interest, that is always interesting and can be challenging. I suppose it depends upon whether or not you get sea-sick! Also, is it worth it to “ride the storm out?”